Friday, September 26, 2008

EDITORIAL – Eat me raw!

So it seems with all the fad diets out there, yet another one has reared it’s ugly head. The “RAW” diet consists of eating only natural raw foods like veggies and nuts. You know, the stuff rabbits and squirells eat.

No meat, no processed foods, or in the case of the MC RIB no processed-meat food.

I will say as far as diets go, you gotta love a diet with so much joke potential. Between the using the word raw in a “raw” way and clips of NUTS AND BERRIES, this one kicks “South Beach Diet’s” ass hands down.

That’s all for now… I have a juicy rare steak on an open pit flame with some bacon and grilled onions waiting for me.

SIDE NOTE: Please be aware that although I refer to this as the diet of Bunnies and other small woodland animals, this diet will not produce a small bushy tail.

Monday, September 22, 2008

REPORT – Kenosha featured in national news!

For those who do not know I live in Kenosha were a helicopter crashed into a home Sunday. I live about ½ a mile from the accident that left the two passengers in the chopper dead, but surprisingly did not injure the 5 folks in the house at the time of the accident.

The copter came in through the roof in the back of the home, and in proper etiquette left the home through the front door, leaving a wake of debris and fuel as local firefighters fought off the flames which did not ignite the home.

I just think of being one of the 3 kids in the house come Monday morning at school.

“What did you do this weekend Timmy?”
I played soccer!
I went to the park.
A huge fucking helicopter crashed in my house! Beat that a-holes!

EDITORIAL – Damn you Optimus Prime!

While most of you will always think of September 11th as the day the World Trade Center fell, it has a new stigma. It is now the day the Hadron Collider, meant to prove the existence of dark matter, creation of the universe, etc.., failed after only 24 hours of operation. And why did this billion dollar device fail? Because the transformer meant to cool the unit failed causing temperatures to rise both in the tunnel and among the scientists alike.

Do not fear though… just as there will be a sequel to the transformers movie, so will there be a new transformer allowing the inevitable destruction at the hands of the Hadron Collider in the near future.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

PODCAST - Episode 2 now available

IN at 1 hour and 19 minutes... Podcast 2 is sure to please.

Or perhaps piss you off.

Either way, I'm ok with it.

Click on the Podcasts link to download.

EDITORIAL – Beware the wrath of the AMISH!

A while back I had a conversation with some friends. We are a mixed group of religions and ethnic backgrounds. The conversation started about a time I had a group of folks over and one guy who was “new” kept referring to everything as being “Jewed” this and “Jewed” that.

Anyway… I happen to come from a Jewish family and after about 3 hours I had enough and opened a can of fire on him. Not so much for what he was saying, but more for how much he said it, and not even using it in the right context most of the time. (If you are going to insult someone, at least do it right!)

This is not the end though. After the fact a bunch of us discussed that many of us say things that others may find offensive. Finally I said… anytime we are thinking of saying something about a group of people that is not politically correct lets replace the subject with the Amish instead.

“Dude, I totally Amished him down”
“That’s an Amish for you”
“Man, she drives like an Amish”

This way we could still get out that little bit of racism that lives in all of us, but not actually hurt anyone. I mean it’s not like the Amish would ever hear about it or care would they?

It seems that was short lived as an Amish community recently filed a lawsuit against the police for attacking their civil rights. Seems no buttons does not mean no lawyers. Sorry guys… No more Amish jokes.

Instead we will now replace the word Amish with Eskimo just to be safe.

Side note: In a sad twist, all the Amish plaintiffs in this case were late for court forcing the judge to dismiss the case. It seems thier rideshare (pictured above) was late picking them up.

EDITORIAL - Train operators lasts text message: AHHHH! :(

I have always been against cell phone use in cars even before everyone and their dog had one. It’s funny to think that many states have laws against the use of Headphones while driving, but using a cell phone which uses your ears, hands, and even more thought process then just listening to music is still ok in some areas.

It has only become worse as texting, SMS, and more minutes means cell phone and data usage are at an all time high. 10 years ago I would yell at the a-hole on the tollway who was reading a book while driving. If I did that now I would be yelling at just about everyone else on the road.

Even the National Transportation Authority has rules that prohibit the use of cell phones at all for train engineers to try and avoid the recent tragedy where an Operator failed to yield to a red light on the track and then failed to try and slow down, allegedly because he was texting with 2 teenagers while driving the train leading to 25 deaths including his own.

Serious folks. Get off the fucking cell phones. DO you remember there was a time when you could go throughout your day without being on the phone? Is taking that call while driving worth your life… It sure as hell is not worth mine. Let the person leave a message. If they don’t… then who gives a shit. It must not have been that damned important.

Car fatality related to cell phone usage while driving has climbed 128% in the past 5 years but we keep on talking and driving… Just stay away from me on the road, or I will have something to say that won’t require a cell phone for you to hear.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Editorial - Show us your chest China!

Normally I take a more serious tone with world events surrounded by tragedy. Especially when those events include children but would not come up with anything more clever for the title. Here’s the deal. So far 6 children have died from tainted formula with over 6000 effected in China.

While the title of the post may lead you to believe I am about to rant on about the higher need to use breast milk as “Natures” way to feed a baby… I have chosen not to go there. (But it is the better choice. Take it from a man who know it’s healthier, cheap, and makes a better latte then Formula.)

Instead let us focus on how this happened. It started when two farmers who provide fresh milk used to produce the formula tainted the supply back in January. Flash forward to today and the effects include kidney stones, renal failure.. and obviously death in some cases. The only good news is these rat-bastards have been caught and may face the death penalty for what they did.

I say they should be left in a room with the parents of the 6 dead babies families first… but that’s just me.

But I cannot stop there. In response to this crisis, the Chinese FDA equivilant has started to quality check the producers of formula with strict enforcement which only begs the question, “Why the hell were you not doing that before?”

This is not some impoverished community in Africa 2000 miles from the nearest hospital. It’s one of the wealthiest nations in the world…

It just seems to me if we spent a little more time on QA we would spend a little less time in CC (Crisis Control)

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

EDITORIAL - Sorry Kayak, I will not break my leg for you.

I enjoy some outdoor activities. I like a nice game of catch, volleyball, even the occasional dip in the local lake…

But there is not sport, hobby, or past time worth having to BREAK MY LEG in order to escape certain death.

I speak of a recent story about a Kayaker who broke his leg in two places after being pinned under a tree as the white waters began to rise over him…

Maybe not a very big deal until I did a bit of research and found that Kayaking is one dangerous sport. This is not a Sunday pontoon ride with Granny.

  • White waters can move extremely fast.

  • Undertows can literlly grab you and suck you under debree, rock faces, trees, etc… holding you like a Grizzly,

  • Deaths related to Kayaking are climbing as more folks get into the water without the experience or the proper safety gear…

I say let them go to their doom. If you play games with your life, eventually you lose… or have to BREAK YOUR OWN LEG to escape. Either way… I will stick to my X-Box.

Friday, September 12, 2008

"Forecaster warns of 'certain death' as Ike looms"

"Forecaster warns of 'certain death' as Ike looms"
This is the headline of an article I found on the internets, (as Dubya says). It just begs the question, "What the hell am I still doing in Texas?"

Idiopinions Election 2008 Coverage!

Palin or Biden?
Obama or McCain?

The Idiots weigh in and help you decide what really matters this November:

Who makes you think of Hitler more? Winner: Sarah Palin.

Who do you want to see in a swimsuit?
1st place is Barrack Obama… trailed close by Biden.
Sorry Palin, the whole Hitler thing just ruined it for us…

Who looks best in front of the Flag?
Obama… but only after labor day.
McCain in the summer months.

Largest package?
Biden may think so…

But it’s actually Palin.

So in the end… The winner of the Panel of Idiots Election 2008 best candicate for president is…

"Hacksaw" Jim Duggan!

EDITORIAL – Hey US! Get out of my back yard!

Or mow the grass... but make up your mind already.

During an interview Palin announced sanctiones against Russia may be necessary in wake of the Georgia incident and in support of both Georgia and the Ukraine becoming members of NATO. She was also quoted as saying that even though we would need to defend our NATO nations even if Russia opposes, we need to avoid another cold war with Russia…

Maybe we should just let them deal with their own shit for once. History and Wikipedia tell me that when our own country went through civil war other nations stayed the hell out of it. It is a very tricky game choosing sides in civil war and unrest. The US acting as police, preacher, and overseer of other nations is one of the factors that has left this country in the shape it is in now barely able to defend our own shores.

We seem to want to be the big brother and talk tough to other nations about how they conduct themselves or come barreling in with guns blazing if the country in question has oil; claiming WMDs even though other nations where intelligence shows very strong evidence of WMDs have not been invaded! Meanwhile we tip toe when acting on issues like the Sudan and Darfur where the Genocide death toll expands into the Millions! (WWII anyone… If we had acted sooner and stronger then I may have a family tree with a few more limbs on it)

I love my country. I will defend my country if needed… but sometimes I think we need to defend our country from itself… or at least it’s politicians…

I just get real pissy thinking we went to war with Iraq, gas prices are still going up, thousands of soldiers have been killed, and Osama Bin Laden is still prancing the rock faces of Pakistan and Afghanistan making crappy B videos.

Seriously… we can go the moon… we can build towers to the sky… but we can’t kill this fucker and clean some of this crazy shit up.

Shit or get off the Pot already Sammy!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

UPDATE - Sometimes the idiots hit the nail on the head.

So I have already heard some buzz on the Podcast posted Monday. I have even received some email about some of the things we discussed including a brief email that says our remark about clowns being pedophiles was both “inaccurate and rude”.

Let me say now and for the record that the show in many cases acts as a parody of extremes. Of course all Clowns are not pedophiles you crazy lady… just most of them.

And before you email me again to chew me out, read this from CNN as you take off your Big Red Nose and Huge Flappy Shoes.

FONTANA -- A man who dressed up as a clown and performed at dozens of birthday parties across Southern California will spend the next 12 years in prison for child molestation.

51 year old David Albert Lemus of Fontana performed as a clown named 'Trim Trim" for more than a decade.

Lemus agreed to plead guilty to child molestation charges.

Lemus was arrested in 2005 after two girls between the ages of 12 and 14 told police he molested them at the National Orange Show fairgrounds in San Bernardino.

Lemus admitted to charges of continuous sexual abuse of a child and oral copulation by threat, both felonies according to police.

As part of the plea deal, Lemus agreed to a sentence of 12 years in prison, according to Deputy District Attorney Briye McCann.

Five additional felony molestation charges were dismissed as part of the plea deal.
Police say some of the sex acts occurred while Lemus was wearing his clown outfit.

EDITORIAL – Remembering September 11th.

I was 25 years old and living with my wife in Illinois. I called in sick to work but was not really sick. My pager goes off non stop waking me up as I read about my company shutting down the internet due to an overflow of news events. Curious I get up and turn on the television.

It would be hours before I would move. The first plane had struck, and I watched moments later as another one hit tower 2. My jaw was open… my eyes teared… my heart filled with remorse and instant rage at whoever did this…

7 Years later as I see old footage or documentaries those emotions return to me. Just the site of the burning building make me cry. Maybe it was the terrible tragedy itself. The loss of lives, or the dedication of some true American Heroes in the Fire, Police, and various support organizations that gave their lives on that day.

Maybe I still cry because for my generation this was a world and life changing event. The years that have followed have shown how our world and this country have changed. Prior to September 11th 2001 would we have even thought something like the Patriot act would come to be?

I think of Episode III of Star Wars when the Chancellor looks out to the Senate and declares that the republic would now be the First Galactic Empire… as applause ensues one Senator remarks… so this is how freedom ends… with thunderous applause.

Mostly on this day, even as current and past political events may upset me I prefer instead think of those real Americans who gave their lives that day. The passengers of United 93, the average citizens who helped save lives, the friends family and children of those who did not return home. As I look upon the men and women who will be up for election this year I think to myself… if only those men and women who risk their lives for their country and fellow man had the money to run themselves… Now there would be someone I would want to vote for.

OPINION - Matt Damon takes aim at Palin

Check out this excerpt from AP:

Maybe I didn't write it, but it speaks to me like I did.

Actor Matt Damon has lashed out at U.S. Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin - insisting she's been chosen for "political purposes".

Damon fears Palin's running-mate John McCain won't survive a full four-year-term as president at age 72, and claims the Alaskan governor taking over would be disastrous.He says, "I think there's a really good chance Sarah Palin could become president, and I think that's a really scary thing. It's like a really bad Disney movie, the hockey mom, you know, 'Oh, I'm just a hockey mom from Alaska'... and she's facing down (former Russian) President (Vladimir) Putin...

It's totally absurd... It's a really terrifying possibility."And Damon takes issue with Palin's take on the creation: "I need to know if she thinks dinosaurs were here (on earth) 4,000 years ago, I really do - because she's gonna have the nuclear codes."

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

OPINION - Rob Schneider - Worst Movie Star Ever?

The recent talk about Star Wars: Clone Wars has inspired me to revive my patent-pending Schneider Scale® for my inaugural post. That of course refers to Rob Schneider, the least funny and talented actor alive, and possibly of all time. The man makes Keanu Reeves and Sylvester Stallone look like Oscar contenders by comparison.

And through what must be either some serious magic or a pact with Lucifer, he still manages to get parts and even starring roles. Yes, people are paying him millions to make these horrible movies. It's a mystery that even the Large Hadron Collider may not be able to solve.

The Schneider Scale® uses the ratings on the web site Rotten Tomatoes, which rates movies by the percentage of critics who liked it. It's not perfect. For example, the greatest movie ever only received a 74%. But it's a good guideline.

And 74% still ain't bad. Rob Schneider would love a 74%. Out of the 19 movies he's acted in, he's never managed to break the 50% mark. Only 3 of the 19 even managed to win over 1 of 3 critics. His average is 21%. I challenge you to find an actor with a worse track record.

The new Star Wars animated movie, as abysmal as it reportedly was (I've yet to see it) still managed a 20%, beating nearly half of all Schneider's movies.

That gives The Clone Wars a Schneider Scale® rating of 47%, meaning it's better than 47% of all Rob Schneider movies.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

OPINION - You are not in debt as bad as your Uncle.

I will say that I have some debt. Some serious debt by some standards. Between a mortgage, car payments, and credit cards I have some serious payments in my future for many moons to come.

Maybe that is why I felt better about myself and my spending problem when I saw our very own Uncle Sam is over 407 Billion in debt. I wonder if he gets those annoying phone calls from creditors. Maybe he switched to Capitol One’s No hassle card.
You wonder if a country so bad with ot's own finances can really bail our Fannie and Freddie. I say sell Alaska. That way someone else can drill there and sell us the oil... no wait... that's not what we want is it?

Side Note:
Paying back the minimum payment each month at 18% interest, Sammy will be out of debt by the year 3947.

Monday, September 8, 2008

REVIEW - Geekiest Tatoos Ever!!!!!

For the full slide show check out reader's geekiest tatoos. These were my 2 favorites.

Idiot of the week – Sheep herds human?

So this week’s winner in my opinion is Linda Faber, and Shelter Volunteer in North Attleboro who discovered a lone sheep grazing near the edge of a highway.

Why is she an idiot? She was quoted as saying, "A sheep doesn't belong in the middle of the highway,"

Wow Linda… No shit. Really. I assumed that was exactly where I wanted my sheep to be. Absolutely brilliant deduction Sherlock.

Side note: She was later quoted with the conclusion of her statement which helps shed light on what she really meant, “"A sheep doesn't belong in the middle of the highway, it belongs on the bedroom silly.”

OPINION – Using the electric chair creates tasty popcorn!

So 28 year old China Arnold (no relation to Tom Arnold) has been sentences to life in prison without parole and I think we should have her covered in low fat margarine and pop corn kernels, trapped to an electric chair, and finally prove if execution corn is really tastier then standard popcorn.

“But Dave, why so harsh and descriptive?”

This vile creature (I reserve Human for those who have at least some ounce of humanity) killed her 1 month old daughter… By microwaving her.

No shit… I will say it again.

She cooked the baby in the microwave.

I seem to waiver from time to time on pro/anti death penalty… but this bitch needs to cook, and cook long. Some crimes are just that heinous.

If there is a hell, I hope they have big microwaves just for you China Arnold. Set it for 143lbs of chicken shit and walk away… This one is going to take a while.

OPINION – When particles collide.

Somewhere over between France and Switzerland the worlds largest particle collider is being built to allow scientists to recreate the events just following the big bang!

Some hope this will allow us to better understand how the universe was formed.
Others fear it may lead to the end of the world.
Catholics fear it may piss of God and Jesus since they have the patent on creating the Universe ironically numbered 1782-5. Not sure what is on record prior to that…

I have to say the idea of this is pretty cool, but I see myself siding with those who fear total Earth annihilation. We are talking about trying to recreate the BIG BANG here folks, an event that started off our entire universe. I think something’s are best left to science fiction until we can test them properly on Pluto. It’s not even a real planet anymore.

Best case: We create our own mini universe where the height challenged will have their own world to colonize at 1/3 scale.
Mediocre case: The area between France and Switzerland is sucked into a void and creates a black hole we can re-dub EuroDisney.
Worst Case: Aliens laugh at us on the most recent edition of the Fox channel hit, “When planets attack” staring the voice of Vin Diesel

Side note: CNN has a description of how the particle collider works. If the real device is as crappy as their Idiots explanation, we are all screwed!.

Idiopinions first Podcast now available!

OK, so it is not the first full "Panel of Idiots" and more of just two of us checking the equipment while recording... but still...
Click the Podcasts in the top right panel.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

REVIEW - Clone Wars - more like Colon Wars.

So even with all the bad press I decided the kids and I would see this film. I did not expect much but I figured being both Star Wars and Animated, my two girls, age 5 and 3, might enjoy it since there was nothing else “Kid Worthy” at the theatre. I WAS WRONG!

I have seen many films geared towards kids that are also very entertaining for adults. I think of how much I enjoyed most Pixar films and even Shrek (1 and 2 mostly). So it is with no reservation that I say here and now, this movie sucked. Sucked… Sucked…

Why you ask? Well let me break this into the many facets that describe the total “SUCKAGE” of this film.

1. The story was terrible. Even for Star Wars… it lacked any depth, character, or charm. It took characters we have come to know very well and just turned them on their heads.
2. It includes Jabba the Hutt’s little baby Hutt! Nuff said there.
3. For a feature film at a theatre oth me and my girls prefer the Clone Wars animated series from Cartoon Network. The quality of the voices, animation, even the few and rare action scenes were just sub par based on what we know can be done in the Star Wars universe.
4. Jabba’s baby people! Not to mention an effeminate Hutt uncle who looks like Ringo Star and a Gremlin (Post eating after midnight) had a baby.
5. A crappy score, mediocre acting, and above all the need to bring in 100000000 new characters if only to merchandise the toys for them.

I have to say that when I read EW gave this a full on “F”, I still thought it may be something my kids would enjoy and buy me some peace for an hour and 15 minutes. But in the words of a 5 year old after seeing the movie… “Uh, can we go watch Spongebob now”

Clone Wars gets an F from me as well simply because I know there are great Star Wars stories out there that deserve a film. Even though the Clone Wars is a gap in the universe that can be explored, I wonder why that seems to be we must explore it… At least in the eyes of George and Company…

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Idiopinions Pilot scheduled for September 12th, 2008

Well there may be some post in the meantime as we get the oil can out and lubricate the "Panel Speakers" but we are planning to record and post the Idiopinions pilot episode by the 12th of September. So stay tuned!